Post by jack hamilton on Jul 8, 2010 7:54:24 GMT -5
Chapter 2.
Hospital stories
Stories I wrote about Baylor Hospital
written in the hospital or from notes after coming home.
I was on my motorcycle and almost home,
the next second I could not see anything,
or hear my motorcycle engine!
It was real quite!
I panicked and blinked my eyes, but I couldn't see!
I grabbed for the handlebars but couldn't feel them,
everything was strange and not where it was supposed to be.
All the signs pointed to the fact that I was falling
and about to hit the ground, motorcycle and all.
I was blind!
Wheres my handlebars!
Then I felt the cotton sheets by my legs!
And realized that I was dreaming!
Just a dream, I thought to myself.
I felt a lot bit better now,
realizing I was dreaming and that
I was not out riding Old Thunder, my 850 triple,
It's alright, I am home in bed!
... but then I thought to myself:
"Why can't I see"?
So I opened my eyes hard,
I was still unable to lift my arms,
I managed to get one eye open,
the right eye.
I tried, when I was waking, to tell myself that
not only was I dreaming about the motorcycle,
but the weird room, the blindness,
it was all a bad dream and all I had to do was wake up
and I would be at home in my own bed.
I have had dreams like this before,
and was proud this time that I was old enough
to recognize this and pull out of it.
I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep again,
then opened my right eye, the only one which would open,
and looked around the strange room.
and after doing this several times,
I realized that it wasn't going to work this time.
Something was definitely wrong.
I moved all my fingers, right hand, left hand.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
Opened my right eye, just a little crack,
and managed to get my hands up,
and pulled the left eye open,
left eye, right eye, yes, I can see.
I moved my neck, it's not broken...
( it was, but i didn't know it yet, it was broken in 4 places}
but no pain, and I was not paralized. )
I put my tongue on my teeth,
top, bottom, good, their still all there.
Right leg, good,
Left leg, check,
I didn't feel any big pieces of meat missing,
no broken bones,
I thought, ten fingers and all my teeth,
all in all pretty rough,
but not bad for a Wensday night!
Old thunder was an 80 model Yamaha 850 triple cylinder
with a kick starter, rebuilt engine, new tires,
one second I was riding along 35 mph,
and the next second i was blind and deaf.
no pain but i was hardly comfortable.
I felt my hair being rubbed very gently
{title ************}
I was awaken by two hands rubbing my hair.
I could feel the fingers moving very sensuously all over my head
moving my hair in every direction.
Combing and rubbing it, this way and that.
I sensed caring and love in those fingers.
Oh it felt so good.
It was all I could think about, those loving fingers,
then they stopped.
I was awake.
I was determined to show that I had felt my hair being rubbed
so sweetly and to show thanks.
I pulled on my eyelids with my facial muscles and tried to see.
Pulled and pulled and finally saw a slit of light through my right eye.
Then moved my fingers on both hands,
formed a victory sigh with the two fingers on my right hand.
Held my right thumb and fingers #3 & 4 down with my left
and felt that the two correct right hand fingers were up
and the others held down with my left hand.
Making sure the correct fingers were extended,
#1 and #2, locking them in place with the left
so as not to be misunderstood.
The rubbing had stopped and I could hear
the person walking away.
This was it!
I turned my head to the right and saw a girl
walking towards the door.
A nurse in white, she was young and pretty too!
And she was a white girl!
I could only hope that she would look back.
This was my chance!
I opened my right eye open as far as I could.
Looked right at her, and slowly moved my hands
which were locked together holding the victory sign,
slowly to the right and then back to the left to get her attention,
and so she would see them.
My mind was racing to be aware
of all the different things going on all at once,
right eye open, victory sign in place,
moving slowly to the left and to the right,
left and right with my hands holding the victory sign,
slowly left and right, left and right.
I was watching her walk away.
“Please turn!
Please turn!”
And as she reached the door she stopped.
I was thinking, “please turn!
Please, turn”,
and she stopped at the door, paused a second,
I opened my right eye as far as I could.
I moved my hands holding the victory sign slowly
to the right and to the left.
And I made the best attempt that I was capable of,
to smile.
I knew it was at best a showing of teeth.
But that was the best I could do.
The victory sign,
I made sure the other fingers were held down
so it would show clearly,
the one eye was open,
and the teeth showing,
I was doing the best that I could.
I was trying hard and all I could do now is hope
she would turn when she reached the door!
Please turn, please!
She did!
She was turning,
I see her eyes,
she is looking at me!
She sees me!
She is coming back towards me!
She is smiling!
She has seen me!
It worked!
I held this position as long as I could,
she is half way to my bed and that’s all I remember.
Later I was told, that as my mom was in the waiting room
a nurse came out of my room all excited and said:
“he’s awake!”
Mom jumped up, but the nurse said "but he’s out again".
“He smiled at me and gave me the peace sign,
but was out again before I could even get to the bed.”
J. Knife
Rubbing my hair #2 written in rehab
I knew I had been asleep and was in bed,
I felt no pain, but why couldn’t I open my eyes!
This time I pulled them open harder, my arms were still at my side, I used my eye muscles only, and pop, the right eye opened just a bit, just a crack, I looked around a strange room I had never seen before, and a strange bed, this was not my bed I thought, then I looked around the room, I never saw anything familiar, it was dark and I strained to look, right, left, back and forth, it did not compute, did I go home with a strange chick!…no I love Marci, there is no one I would want at the boxcar, there is just trailer trash. I wondered where I was, but nothing I saw prompted my memory. What did I do last night, where did I go, …no memory was there, it was a blank. It was a little scary, more than a little! I focused and looked real hard, and thought to myself, this is a hospital room! Where’s my motor! I was alone, in a strange room, a hospital room! My motors gone, I can’t open my eyes, its very quiet, I thought to myself ”I was in a bad motorcycle wreck last night! But it wasn’t last night…it was five weeks ago! Old thunder has been gone over a month…I am asleep again, I don’t know how much time goes by, I feel my hair being rubbed, expertly, and quite sensually, it feels very good, there is love in the touch, someone is rubbing my hair, who, they stop, and I make fists in both hands, pull my eyes hard, I am going to see who! I force two fingers up like a peace sign, I was not thinking peace but victory. It was all I could think of on such short notice. I am alive, I got again the right eye opened, just a crack, I got the left hand around my right fingers to hold them in place, and to turn the right hand back and forth, I heard a swishing sound to the right and looked hard, pulled up my right hand, I saw a girl, short blond hair, and she was standing at the door looking at me! I opened my right eye as much as I could, I lifted my right hand with both arms, victory! I’m alive help! And turned my fingers right and left, so the victory sign could be seen, as a sign, and I opened my eye harder, she sees me! She is walking over to me! She is smiling and boom! I am out again.
written in rehab early after waking up
{end of '2 paragraphs, same subject, but different}
******************
Jack hold up two fingers
I don’t remember much from my coma because,
well, I was in a coma!
But one time I heard a girl’s voice say:
Jack, hold up two fingers,
and I was able to hold up two fingers like she requested.
Then she said one finger, two, three, and so on.
I was not able to open my eyes but I could hear her voice
and move my fingers.
Three fingers, and I would hold up three.
Jack, hold up one finger, and I would hold up one.
This went on for a while I have no idea how long,
but eventually I was getting bored of the finger game
and she said , Jack, hold up three fingers, and I held up three.
Jack, hold up one finger, and I held up one.
I thought to myself this must be a nurse
and she is going overboard with this
as I can obviously do what she requests
but she won’t stop this dxxx finger game.
Jack hold up two fingers, and I held up one!
No I said two fingers, and I held up one!
Every time she said a number of fingers to hold up,
I held up one ,
one, one , one!
And finally she seemed to not be getting it
that I was tired of her dxxx finger game so .
Jack, hold up two fingers,
you were doing well before,
two fingers,
and 'I shot her the finger'
And I heard laughter and I drifted off to sleep again.
J. Winters von Knife
‘Stab my foot again, come on make my day!’
I was in a coma, out!
And I was suddenly aware of a sharp pain
on the bottom of my foot!
I did not move my legs but tightened
my abdominal muscles, and was out again.
Next time I felt the stabbing pain in the bottom of my foot,
I jerked my legs up, fast!
My knees were over my head and held them there.
My eyes never opened, I couldn’t see,
but I could hear voices.
The tone of the speaker was one of
approval!
Then I could hear the voice moving to my right.
Not wanting that pain to come back
and somehow knowing that the voice and the pain
were related, my knees began to move to the left.
As the voice moved to the right,
my knees moved to the left,
I was protecting myself from that pain,
and I was going to kick that guys head off
if he touched me again.
And then I heard the shuffling of feet
and a voice say get back!
He is going to kick you!
And then a laugh!
There was no more pain in my foot and I drifted off again.
It was the doctors examining my reflexes,
stabbing the bottom of my foot with a scalpel!
As I found out later they called my Mother in and told her,
“ Mrs. Hamilton, we have good news.
Jack is not paralyzed.
He is in fact about the most un-paralyzed coma patient
we have ever seen as he almost kicked
one of my Doctor’s head off!”
Recovery from Trauma.
I was murdered!
Poisoned!
I crashed my 850 triple and laid in a ditch all night.
Reported dead,
{"No breath, no pulse, dead"}
by the policeman who was called to the scene the next morning.
I broke three neck vertebra and crushed my right shoulder.
Was in a coma for five weeks and the hospital including rehab for five months.
But I am still here.
I asked the disability judge if that thing was on?
I was pointing to the tape recorder on the table.
That tape recorder, yes?
Could I say something?
Yes, go ahead.
I would like to thank three persons, three entities,
for my life.
First God, {of course}
Then Joe Weider, thanks Joe.
And Victory gym, thanks Jeff..
Formerly Sparks’s gym, thanks Tim.
That's all sir, thank you.
My helmet was split front to back and down to my right ear.
You could put your finger in the split.
I know a dead guy who broke two but I broke three.
I was conscious of loosing balance and the motor not right,
not where it was supposed to be.
From deep down in my mind,
something I had read decades before came to my mind.
It was the middle of the night and I was poisoned
by 2500 mg of sodium benzoate,
a sleeping drug.
Enough to fill my girlfriends prescription for two years.
The motor was going down and I had no idea what to do.
I remembered something I had read, on boxing I think,
but the means of protection of the neck by raising ones shoulders,
And lowering ones neck, chin on the chest.
Tightening the abs and tightening up of the whole body.
It saved my life, this picture did.
The picture was in my mind and as I fell,
I didn’t know which way was up.
I protected my neck with the old fighter stance.
My shoulders and chin-on chest…
protected my neck enough for me to survive.
To survive well enough to write this and admonish you reading these lines,
to work out, weight training saved my life
and it may yours too.
The Sheriff said Jack you volunteered for this!
And I wonder what I volunteered for.
But not this!
I want my health back,
I want my hounds back,
for things to be like they were.
But I know that can never be,
as I am dead.
A book on recovery from physical trauma,
my motorcycle wreck, my brain injury, and coma.
Three of my neck vertebra being broken and my shoulder crushed.
This is interesting for me to write, and it should sell.
That is if I recover.
was in a bad motorcycle wreck April 19th 2001.
I was poisoned by 2500mg of a sleeping pill in my beer
by the same coward’s who killed all my hounds,
they killed them because I loved them so.
I know who did it and the Sheriff’s dept knows who did it
as they warned me, they said that it would happen.
14-15 YEARS AGO!
They knew so much about it in fact
that I am not sure they were not the ones who did it.
After my hounds were all poisoned and shot
on my property by the cowardly halls,
I never hunted again.
I would ride this old triple cylinder Yamaha 850cc
that I had bought six months after loosing my hounds,
late at night up to this beer joint out in the country and drink beer.
I always sat alone and never talked to anyone.
I had no friends as all my friends were dead.
I did not leave my beer unattended or drink anything else.
I don’t know how they did it.
I knew I did not feel right as I was coming home.
I did not feel drunk or stoned,
I couldn’t concentrate!
I usually came home at 80 mph on the long straightaway,
but this night I was going under 35!
That is all that saved me!
They expected me to go 80 on the big straight-a-way,
As I always did.
I knew I did not feel right and if I knew I had taken
a bottle of sleeping pills I would have pulled over
when I couldn’t concentrate and waited till morning
or just walked!
But I had no idea why I wasn’t right.
I had been poisoned by the cowardly Hall bros.
White trash!
Who had killed all my dogs and robbed my house over and over!
Now I have to recover from five weeks in a coma,
five months in a hospital.
And two years of guiardia lambia that I caught in the hospital!
It is a most profoundly debilitating microbe,
and for two years I have not done any work,
even Womans work!
I have not run, lifted weights, done one situp! Or a pushup!
I am, after my record of 131,000 pounds in 1.25 hours,
as profoundly weak as it is possible for a man to be!
Yesterday! August 15, 2003, I managed to get up on ski’s
and ski a bit for the first time in two years and four months.
The purpose of this work is to record my recovery
if I recover, and document it for anyone so they
or their friends may be inspired to do what I have done
and to recover as well as I hope I do!
It has been a year or two since I wrote that.
Now, December 29th 2005, I am still trying to get back in shape.
I have not written much about the subject because I have made so little progress.
Now it is Janurary 11th 2006
I am landscaping the yard, trapping a few coon and cat.
But still weak and unable to work
more than a couple of hours a day.
The Story of the Upside down Name Tag
Or…
Dead head dxxx head
One morning Dad took me to Baylor hospital rehab three months after my wreck. It was summer and the weather was very hot!
I walked in with my sack lunch, my briefcase and my Dxxx Dale world tour ’99 shirt on, the black shirt with the skull and crossed guitars on the front, and ‘I’m a Dxxx head’ over the skull.
A much larger version of the same picture was on the back.
The photo of the skull was 15” tall and the 2” letters saying ‘I’m a Dxxx head” was hard to miss. I walked on in and got on the elevator with one other person. It was a girl who was very pretty
and smart enough to be Doctor Thomas’s daughter. The elevator started up and she said:
‘Good morning uh, your name tag is on upside down’
Meaning the Baylor hospital tag with my name written on it like everybody who was a patient wore in case we got lost or something. I said ‘good morning and thanks, but I know it’.
Pause…
She said ‘what do you mean you know it, aren’t you going to fix it?’
I said no, I always wear it that way.
She was curious as to why, so I told her ‘the story of the upside down name tag’.
Well, I was in rehab one day and the orderlies helped in a guy who obviously had just woken up from a coma. He was really out of it and was nodding in his wrinkled hospital gown with his name tag on upside down, and even worse it was not even upside down straight, it was crooked too. I think it was old Marty the dart cop
who was also in a motorcycle wreck, but I had not met him yet.
Anyway his tag was upside down and crooked, it looked really bad but no one cared, least of all him It was not his fault as he had not dressed himself but was dressed by nurses. So the fact that his tag was crooked was not funny but… it gave me an idea.
I turned my name tag upside down and with my Hawaiian shirt on,
the real gaudy one with colorful flowers all over it. The blue ocean and all the palm trees, the blue sky with the beautiful white clouds,
the flowers around the neck and the ancient Hawaiians in their canoes out on the water, and with tall mountains in the background. And my name tag pinned on my belly and it upside down.
Now that was funny!
I wore it that way the entire time I was in rehab.
And after a week or so,
I noticed others wearing theirs upside down too.
It was catching on!
I liked to imagine that eventually with everybody wearing theirs that way
it would be a movement and I had started it!
But after a few weeks the others started wearing theirs
right side up again.
I really never knew if they had lost interest
in the new ‘movement’, or had just forgot.
We dead heads are forgetful you know.
The girl asked me where I was going
and I said ‘second floor, {coma ward.}
You know the dead head* ward.
The girl said ‘do you consider all the people
in the coma ward to be dead heads*
… except you?’
‘No!
I looked at her and said’
I would feel left out,
it would really hurt my feelings
were I to be excluded from being thought of
as one of the dead heads, the dead head group!
They are all really nice people!
I like to think of myself as a dead head* too!
’ But why the upside down name tag?
I told her about Marty and said:
‘It’s a humor thing.’
Then I said with my best Scottish accent:
‘It’s a grunge thing.’
She said ‘like Shawn Connery said in the movie 'The Rock’
and laughed again.
Why yes, of course.
I got off the elevator as the door opened
and walked on down the hall to my class,
and half way down the hall I stopped and looked back,
and she was standing outside of the elevators in the hall
looking at me and laughing out loud.
I went in my private office across the hall from the class.
The others took from 8am till 10am to all get there,
to all show up at the same place at the same time,
and as it was noisy across the hall
I liked to stay in the abandoned office I had taken over.
I had my own personal phone to call sweet Marci my girl friend,
and my big table to spread out books and tape recorder.
I had learned to eat my lunch during first and second classes
so during lunch I could go find an empty room and take a nap.
I had rehab down!
I was talking on the phone to Marci
when a lady looked in the room from around the corner.
I told Marci to hold on and said:
‘Have a seat and make yourself comfortable,
I’ll be right with you in half a minute’ telling Marci that:
‘oh, someone just came in.’
The lady stared and I was wrapping up my morning
{Marci call}, when the lady disappeared
and came back looking around the corner
with two or three other ladies,
nurses.
After a whispered
‘No, he’s a patient’
They all burst into laughter.
It was but a short while later that my therapist
{from Spain,} Louis,
came looking around the corner with Marty the motorcycle cop
{he was doing much better now}
and one or two other guys,
they were all grinning,
and Louis said Jack’ can you turn that shirt inside out?
I had no idea why he wanted my shirt inside out.
But I said:
“No, there are seams on the inside and it would look tacky.
” Jack, Louis repeated,
please just turn your shirt inside out.
I had forgotten about the ‘I’m a thingy head
in 2” tall letters on my shirt.
I just stared at Louis with a blank look,
having no idea what he meant.
‘O.K. I’ll turn my shirt inside out and you turn your pants inside out
and we will wear them that way for the rest of the day that way.
And then we will really get people to talking,
and maybe we can get a new fashion thing going.
Oh! You mean this!
‘ And I remembered the big picture of the skull
and the crossed guitars.
‘What’s the matter with it?
Louis said ‘this is a Baptist hospital
and your shirt may offend people.
’ Louis’, I said, there is nothing wrong with my shirt.’
But ‘thingy head is …
‘Louis, listen’ and I tried to explain.
There was a band from northern California
back in the early 60’s
called the Greatful Dead.
‘Yes, I have heard of it, ‘you have…
good!’
Then people who are enthusiasts for music
of the Greatful Dead, refer to themselves as Dead Heads.
And people who are enthusiasts for the music of thingy Dale
the KING! OF THE SURF GUITAR!
Refer to them selves as thingy Heads!
‘ Dead heads- thingy Heads!
It does not refer to a thingy.
He went all the way through elementary school named thingy,
“Hey thingy! Lets go swimming.”
All the way through high school named thingy
”Hey thingy! Come on lets go get drunk.”
That is simply his name!
When he was born his mother named him thingy,
it’s on his birth certificate!
We have had presidents named thingy!
It doesn’t have anything to do with a thingy.
It’s a clean phrase Louis,
its O.K.
But Jack, please do me a favor and change shirts.’
‘Louis, now I know you are from Spain and things are different there.
But I also know that you are a really smart guy!
With a masters degree at least!
However
{Marty and the other guys were looking over Luis’s shoulder
and their smiles were getting bigger,}
I also know that you are not Baptist but Catholic.
Jack how, do you know that!
Because you are Spanish and 100% of all Spanish people
I have ever known are Catholic.
And hey! I know how these Baptists are,
every thing offends them,
they will work on your mind and get to you after a while.
So don’t you think it is reasonable to suppose
that the possibility does exist
that it is just you.
That it is your own mind,
your own consciousness that has
…GOT DIRTY?
Everyone laughed out loud including Luis,
he laughed like I had never heard him laugh
the whole three months I was in rehab,
laughed all the way down the hall.
And when he came back he threw an old shirt at me
and said:
"Put this over your shirt for the rest of the day",
smiling, and they all walked off.
The next day I was on the elevator and doctor Thomas himself was behind me,
and said quietly and under his breath,
and real fast like he wanted to say it but didn’t really want me to hear or understand him,
{dead head…dxxx head}
I waited a moment turned and said:
Did you say something Doc?
And he said:
looking straight ahead,
‘no.’
" Would you like to kill the man who killed all your dogs"
... This is what Alexa the therapist,
Baylor Hospital, severe traumatic, brain injury rehab ward,
asked me.
" Naw" I replied.
We were in a private office and I knew Alexa had been put up to some big inquiry.
She asked again, being in this place for three months,
"did something" to people,
to me too!
The main thing was it was so boring
and the same names and introductions went on
that after a while,
I began to develop a constantly improving
and evolving skit, adjustable, for whatever.
... A regular vaudeville routine!
I thought to myself:
"The 'introduction skit' is a good one".
"Naw"!
"Alexa rates the 'crazy guy' skit".
I didn't feel good anyway,
I had been in a bad motorcycle wreck,
a coma for 5 weeks, the hospital for five months.
Now this!
Rehab is not fun, it is better than dead,
or in the hospital, where the food {is horrible).
Alexa and Luis did not have many big laughs
caring for the 'dead heads' as I took to referring to us as.
One day as I was stepping on an elevator,
a lovely young girl stepped on.
said:....
"Good morning! your name tag is upside down"
Whereupon, I said good morning,
But I know it, thanks"
... Hey, the girl said.
If you know your name tag is upside down,
why don't you turn it right side up!
... I was sleepy,
it's been 5 months since my wreck,
and i still don't feel that friendly!
Alright, the tag...
"I had a motorcycle wreck and was in a comma for 5 weeks".
Now I'm here, it is just boring, o.k.!
I saw one guy, who just woke up from a comma.
He looked like sxxx,
like a person who is waking up from the worst hangover conceivable,
bad enough in fact to have almost killed him.
His tag was crooked, almost upside down.
hmmm. The guy was just dressed by some nurse.
He didn't know about the tag.
That is not was funny to me,
that is however what gave me the idea.
I took to wearing my name tag with Baylor Hospital
printed in blue ink...
a patient would slip this card in a plastic card holder
with a safety pin on the back.
hmmm. They would write their name with a 'black marker'
at the bottom. I turned mine upside down and felt better fast!
Every day I would come to rehab with my upside down name tag,
and it made me feel better,
it caught on and everyone started wearing there's
upside down too!
2-3-4 weeks and it tapered off like any fad.
Now this is an example of the hospital humor
I am trying to improve.
Alexa! remember her,
she asked me if i would like to kill the man who killed all my dogs.
Naw, I said, they'd not get off that easy!
what would you do!
what would you do!
Hmmm
Anyway for fun and to amuse myself, hell it was true!
anyway, well, if you insist,
I would choke him down like you would to a bad mule!
down and out. Tie his hands back, and go up to the house and get my mule, Red.
Drag him ( I'll be dammed if i do it) way back in the woods,
where no one will hear him a squalling.
Stuff some grass in his mouth, and hoist him up by one leg,
not high, .. head 3 feet off the ground.
build a fire and have a good stack of wood,
and a washtub of home brew as we are going to be there all night.
The hospital, I want every detail written down.
The making sure of, that it's 'thumbs up'
and not some other fingers.
Write them fast before I forget them.
The names the people, that would make the task much easier,
The lady that stuck her head in the door,
& I said hold on, to Marci,
I'm sorry I have like half a second...
have a seat...I'll be with you in a second.
Rehab dreams
1. stab my foot
2. rub my hair
3. God and Marci was there
4. Jack, what did you have for breakfast? 5 rattle snakes
5. Your brother has a good heart
6. Jack hold up two fingers
7. God as Joe dog telling me not to grieve for them anymore
as they are all alright now, I am the only one suffering
8. My early fourth grade vision of the houses all in a row
and all made out of ticky tacky
" Would you like to kill the man who killed all your dogs"
This is what Alexa the therapist at Baylor Hospital,
severe, traumatic, brain injury ward, asked me.
" Naw" I replied.
We were in a private office and I knew Alexa was up to some big inquiry.
She asked again,
being in this place for three months,"did something" to me too!
The main thing was it was so boring,
and the same names and introductions went on,
that after a while I began to develop a constantly improving
and evolving skit, adjustable, for whatever.
... A regular vaudeville routine!
The' introduction skit' was a good one.
Naw! for Alexa , she rates the 'crazy guy skit'.
I didn't feel good anyway,
I had been in a bad motorcycle wreck,
a coma for 5 weeks, the hospital for five months.
Now this!
Rehab is not fun, but it is better than dead
or in the hospital, {where the food is horrible).
Alexa and Luis did not have many big laughs
caring for the dead heads as I took to referring to us as.
One day as I was stepping on an elevator,
a lovely young girl stepped on.
She said.... 'good morning!
your name tag is upside down... to me,
whereupon I said good morning,
oh i know it, but thanks"
... Hey, the girl said.
If you know your name tag is upside down,
why don't you turn it right side up!
... I was sleepy,
it had been five months since my wreck
and I still did't feel that friendly!
ok! the tag...
"I had a motorcycle wreck and was in a coma for five weeks.
o.k. now I'm here,
it is boring, o.k.!
I saw one guy, who just woke up from a coma.
He looked like sxxx,
like a person who is waking up from the worst hangover conceivable!
Enough to almost enough to have killed him.
His tag was crooked, almost upside down.
The guy was just dressed by some nurse.
He didn't know about the tag.
That is not was funny to me,
that is however what gave me the idea.
I took to wearing my name tag with Baylor Hospital
printed in blue ink...
a patient would slip this card in a plastic card holder
with a safety pin on the back.
They would write their name with a 'black marker' at the bottom.
I turned mine upside down and felt better fast!
Every day I would come to rehab with my upside down name tag,
and it made me feel better,
it caught on and everyone started wearing there's
upside down too!
2-3-4 weeks and it tapered off like any fad.
Now this is an example of the hospital humor
I am trying to improve.
Alexa, remember her,
she asked me if I would like to kill the man who killed all my dogs.
Naw, I said:
they'd not get off that easy!
what would you do!
what would you do!
Anyway for fun and to amuse myself, {hell it was true}
anyway, well, if you insist,
I would choke him down like you would to a bad mule.
Down and out.
Tie his hands back, and go up to the house and get my mule,
Red.
Drag him ( I'll be dammed if I do it)
way back in the woods where no one will hear him a squall.
Stuff some grass in his mouth,
and hoist him up by one leg, not high,
... head 3 feet off the ground.
Build a fire and have a good stack of wood,
and a washtub of home brew as
we are going to be there all night. **************
The hospital, I want every detail written down,
making sure that it's thumbs up and not some other fingers.
Write them fast before I forget them.
Name the people, that would make the task much easier,
Marty the dart cop,
The lady that stuck her head in and I said to Marci
who was on the phone:
Hold on,
And to the lady who just came in:
I'm sorry, give me like half a minute.
have a seat please,
I'll be right with you.
Rehab dreams
1. stab my foot
2. rub my hair
3. God and Marci was there
4. Jack, what did you have for breakfast? 5 rattle snakes
5. Your brother has a good heart
6. Jack hold up two fingers
7. God as Joe dog telling me not to grieve for them anymore
as they are alright now, I am the only one suffering
8. My early fourth grade vision of the houses
all in a row and all made out of ticky tacky
Rehab stories
1. drinking snake
2. devil coon
3. torture story
4. good bye old thunder
5. reflection on 3 day weekend
6. Jack what’s your schedule?
7. Dead head
I wrote a profoundly long e-mail last night but the electricity
went off right in the middle of it, and it was lost
so I went to bed.
I was writing a story about my coma
and how when up in heaven I had heard God say:
Jack, you are pretty bad,
yes, you are in pretty bad shape but you are not quite dead.
So you are going back to the world,
but first there is someone who you might want to see,
they want to see you real bad and they are waiting right here.
Somehow I knew to look to the right and there was
Cottonjoe, my long dead Walker hound.
Joe was beautiful!
More muscled up and his coat was shinier than I remembered.
But his eyes were full of tears.
And he did not move his mouth but spoke to me telepathically,
God fixed it up somehow.
"I can't believe you are grieving over us after all these years.
You never got another hound, you never set another trap,
you never hunted at all,
you drink beer and ride that motorcycle
up to that beer joint, way out in the country.
You sit on the back porch alone,
you don't talk to anyone and you don't have any friends.
And you are looking old!
You look a lot older than you did
when I was on the earth with you.
And you are missing your life!
When we all died we really suffered a lot,
Suemay, Katymay, Sport, Scout, Hawk and Zeke,
Pretty polly,and Bonnie belle,
me most of all!
But our suffering is over!
You are the only one still suffering, and it hurts me!
We would be there with you if we could, but we can't!
Get you some hounds and go hunting!
And I woke up!
I had been a coma for 5 weeks,
later the hospital for 5 months!
They all had been poisoned,
and shot in their pens on my 25 acres.
By two cowards named Hall,
who are all dead now, after being in prison a while.
The third brother who killed me,
12 years later, is dead too.
The dogs were all killed 15 years ago
and I was killed three years ago,
I was just too tough.
I am writing a book about the strange, exciting,
and glorious, as well as beautiful,
and heartbreaking story of our life
and our death together.
Visions and miracles...
Showdown at dogland... or
Never volunteer
And when I was in rehab, Luis, {from Spain}
Mt therapist, told us to write a paper on:
'What I did in rehab yesterday"
I said Luis! we never do anything in rehab.
We sit on our ass all day,
We pick our noses, scratch, stare at the wall, drool, and fart,
... what is there to write about!
Whereupon, Luis, said,
Jack lots of the people in here are Spanish
and don't speak English that well,
and some are not as educated as you,
so just do what you are told.
I will be right back and left the room.
I thought to myself, 'well hell with that'!
I will write about what I want to!
And started in on the Story of old Sport
or, 'the Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole'.
First time I had ever written about the dogs or anything!
Luis came back in the room and stated people
reading their stories, pretty dull.
{what I did in rehab yesterday.}
After about 15 versions of that!
Luis, said "I have to go again, so keep reading,
Jack, if you are finished, you can start us off.
{ perfect timing}
I smiled as Luis left the room, and said:
Ya'll, this is a story about an old dog I used to have,
and like the Bullwinkle cartoons where they would have
two titles for a story,
the title of this story is:
{And I got my craziest look in my eyes}
and as I trembled all over saying:
The story of old Sport or
The Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole!
Everybody burst out laughing!
{ It beat the hell out of "What I did in rehab yesterday"!
And it was the contrast of subjects which got them!
So I started into the Story.
When Luis came back in the room I was almost finished,
after I did finish Luis came over not comprehending
why I disobeyed his orders.
And said:
But Jack that is not what I told you to write about!
Whatcha ya gona do about it?
Flunk me?
I said? {Laughter}
Hey Luis my friend?
Whatcha gona do?
{and turned around to my friend Marty the dart cop,
who was in a worse motorcycle wreck,
hit from behind by some drunk niger
as he was turning a corner. Flashing lights,
cop letters all over the cop motorcycle,
and the niger going between 65 and 70 mph!}
"Make! me! do! next! summer! over!"
?
This really was funny to the class,
and I decided to write all the stories I could remember,
and I am doing pretty good!
40,000 words last summer!
I will send the story of old Barrydog,
I think he died from pnumonia, but he was a real dog!
And when I was in rehab, Luis, {from Spain}
Mt therapist, told us to write a paper on:
'What I did in rehab yesterday"
I said Luis!
We never do anything in rehab".
"We sit on our ass all day, we pick our noses,
scratch, stare at the wall, drool, and fart...
what is there to write about"!
Whereupon, Luis, said,:
"Jack lots of the people in here are Spanish
and don't speak English that well,
and some are not as educated as you,
so just do what you are told".
I will be right back, and left the room.
I thought to myself, well hell with that!
I will write about what I want to!
And started in on the 'Story of old Sport'
or, 'the Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole'.
First time I had ever written about the dogs or anything!
Luis came back in the room and stated people in,
to reading their stories, pretty dull.
{'What I did in rehab yesterday'.}
After about 15 versions of that!
Luis, said "I have to go again so keep reading,
" Jack, if you are finished, you can start us off".
{ perfect timing} I smiled as Luis left the room,
and said:
Ya'll, this is about an old dog I used to have,
and like the Bullwinkle cartoons
where they would have two! titles for a story,
the title of this story is:
{And I got my craziest look in my eyes saying}:
'The story of old Sport' or
'The Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole'!
Everybody burst out laughing!
{ Beats the hell out of:
"What I did in rehab yesterday"!
And it was the contrast of subjects which got them!
So I started into the story,
when Luis came back in the room,
I was almost finished and after I did Luis came over to me
not comprehending why I disobeyed his orders.
And said:
"but Jack that is not what I told you to write about"!
"Whatcha ya gone do about it"?
" Flunk me"? I said? {Laughter}
"Hey Luis my friend"?
" Whatcha gona do"?
{and turned around to my friend Marty the dart cop,
who was in a worse motorcycle wreck than I."
"Make! me! do! next! summer! over!"?
This really was funny to the class,
and I decided to write all the stories I could remember,
and I am doing pretty good!
40,000 words last summer!
{ One of my best routines}
Hi, I am Jack Hamilton,
And I had a motorcycle wreck.
I survived but my motor didn't".
{ pause and a long glance at my palms
and a shake of the head}
"Old thunder is gone".
{long pause},
And as my eyes looked upwards with a straight face,
I said: " good bye, Old Thunder,"
I sighed and looked downwards,
a sad look in my eye,
and another deep sigh.
I was overacting in the extreme,
really hamming it up!
I had done this dozens of times by now,
differently each time,
different way every day.
{.... this was a good one i thought to myself}
{..... we were all so bored
that this was basically all we had to do all day}
I forget what i said next,
but ended up with my thumbs up,
and a big smile, I hesitated a few seconds,
and looked down at my thumbs and back up.
" sorry, I said, I was checking to see
if both of my thumbs were pointing up
and not some other fingers.
You would not believe what happened the other day."
I said: looking aside,
and back again with a straight face,
then I saw 'Marty the cop'
{who had a motorcycle wreck too}
on my left , trying to interrupt me,
I yelled at him " I told you i was sorry "!
Hey! I told you yesterday that I apologize!"
I raised my voice " I told you once,
I'm not going to tell you again..".
As everyone in the rooms laughter peaked,
" hey!... its not, funny!"
Marty was laughing harder than anyone else,
even the kids mother was smiling her ass off.
I tried to act seriously,
pushing Marty away and looking at the Mom
with a straight face,"our therapist Luis said:
...that we should always monitor our behavior.
" the mother came every day for a long time,
I wonder why...
‘Bust out’
‘Or, escape from Baylor Hospital’
1. waking up.
2. ”Jack, you can’t go walking down Gaston street in that robe!
3. list related stories here,
this will be part of the visions and misacles book.
I wake up and go down the hall to the elevator.
As the door is closing a niger gets on.
4. Jack where are you going?
5. you a doctor?
6. Yes Jack I am a doctor, and you can’t see my I. D.
7. That’s what I would have said if I were you.
I guess you are a doctor.
8. You hospital guards do this kinda stuff very often?
9. “Every day… Every day…
10. Then I was in a bed in a room and a guy
was shooting some liquid into a tube,
my arm or something.
I said “whats that?
“you’ll love this it will knock you out.”
What time is it
4:00 am
so you are a Doctor?
Yes Jack I am a Doctor
and I’m not going to show you my I.D.
I said you ought to fire the guy on the left,
and promote the guy on the right and give him a raise.
He is smart enough to be a Lawyer, or an author,
at least a Doctor.
Jack, don’t you think being a Doctor is as good as
being a Lawyer or an Author?
I said well, a Lawyer, or an Author,
doesn’t have sxxx all over him.
No offence.
Guy #2 said with a big smile,
See what I mean?
And the Doctor smiled for the first time.
I told the guy #1 thanks and he said no problem.
Then before I passed out, I said:
“you hospital guards have to do this kinda stuff often?
And he said “every day!”
The Sidney Potiea quote.
I’ll get fired!!! If you go out that door!!!
Get the fxxx away from me!
I ain’t gona tell you again!!!
{I look him up and down a couple of times,
shaking my head}
I ain’t gona be nice next time,
pointing to my left, now get!
“A lawyer, or an author, doesn’t have sxxx all over him.”
{I washed it three times, does it still show? }
Looks like sxxx boss.
Oh, no offence,
no offence.
So you’re a doctor huh?
Yes Jack, I’m a doctor,
and I’m not going to show you my I.D.
Hmm that’s what I would say if I were you,
I guess you are a doctor.
My Schedule
Louis my therapist, with Alexia beside him was asking me
“Jack, what is your schedule?”
I replied that I did not have a schedule.
And he repeated the question,
“Jack everyone has a schedule,
what’s your schedule?”
Louis, no, I am self employed
and just don’t have a schedule.
Louis kept insisting that I had one
and that he wanted to know what it was.
I kept denying it, till I said:
“Louis, my schedule is actually the antithesis of a schedule,
it is in fact a non- schedule.”
I keep myself ready at all times,
twenty four hours a day,
to sleep, make love, run a marathon,
fight, kill, write a story, cook a gourmet meal,
or play my accordion,
because I never know when I will need my strength
or energy, mental or physical.
Not me!
No schedule!
No way!
Alexia was smiling at this verbal duel.
Jack, I have to put something down here,
it asks for your schedule,
what do I say?
I took a deep breath and looked down
and thought a few seconds,
then looked up and with the most serious of expressions,
and looking and pointing at his dxxx book, told Louis:
”I eat when I’m hungry",
"I sleep when I’m sleepy",
"and I drink when I’m dry".
Louis laughed,
and sang out loud in the tune of the song…
“Davy! Crockett!”
I looked down, paused and said
“that isn’t in the Davy Crockett song.”
Louis just laughed more and shook his head
and started writing.
“I eat when I’m…
Alphonso and I …
Showdown at Baylor
Walking down the hall in Baylor Hospital,
Severe Traumatic Brain Injury Rehab Ward,
I was coming from I do not know where,
and going to, are you kidding.
When my new therapist Alphonso and another boy
were coming down the hall towards me!
One was on the right of the hall and one was on the left!
Each had a club!
And each was looking right at me!
They had malevelant smiles and were getting closer
and closer!
I stopped!
And i said
“I didn’t do it!
I didn’t do it!
I wasn’t even there!
I swear!
And as Alphonso walked right up to me and patted his hand with his club!
I started shaking all over.
I was shaking and looking down!
Alphonso said, “you weren’t even where?
And I said I don't know!!!!
I sorry!
I sorry!
And for the clincher,
“I be good boss! “
And Alphonso couldn’t hold his laughter back any longer.
“Like in roots!” Laughed and laughed.
Then he looked at me and made a threatening motion with his club!
And I bent over and went back into the former shaking routine.
Shake, Shake.
my motorcycle and my coma:
thirty five years I have rode motors.
I love them, I love the being out of doors. the seasons,
the wind in my face, the chrome, the black paint,
the speed, the danger...
For the last few years I have had a strange feeling
every time I prepare to ride.
Yes I loved my motor,
but i knew that as I admired the power and beauty,
the new strange feeling that I felt was a premonition
of my own death. I knew that the odds were
that the more miles, the more nights I was out
riding, my chances would run out.
Just the odds alone would prevail.
Thirty five years and no wrecks!
I was a good rider!
Fourty nine years old, I did not speed, drink,
or do stupid things or dangerous things,
nearly as much as I used to.
I'm fourty nine, and I will ride old thunder till I am old.
If I was going to have a wreck it would have happened
when I was younger.
I drank all I could, I raced my friend Steve at 100 mph,
which is fast for a twenty two year old motor.
Old Thunder was truly old now.
I was getting on up there in age myself.
When it happened I was running thirty five mph,
I was not drunk, no other traffic,
conditions were good weather wise,
I knew the road, I was just going home.
other people I met in rehab who had experienced a coma,
said that they could not remember what happened
before the blow to the head either.
I will never know what happened to cause the wreck.
One second I was riding along,
the moon was almost full,
the clouds were different colors, different textures,
overlapping in interesting patterns.
Dr. Thomas walks up and says:
“Jack, Gotta have money to run a bank doncha”
I turn and look at him with a puzzled expresion,
scratch my chin, shake my head, and say:
Well, "I recon”.
The Doctor laughs and says:
“You don’t remember where that came from do you?”
I just start even more with a look of puzzlement.
Money?…
Banks?…
The Doctor laughs and walks away.
Why don't I have any kids
Gentlemen,
I was asked the same question in rehab.
{Not drug rehab, I was in a bad wreck}
{Baylor Hospital severe, traumatic,
brain injury, rehab ward}
"Jack, why don't you have any children"?
I answered, after thinking about it for a few seconds,
"because I always pull out on time."
{The room full of people all burst out laughing}
Hey! those are all clean words!
I thought about that for a long time before I said anything!
I was real careful about...
that...
too...
That really brought down the house.
One black school teacher said:
"All Leroy had to do was to pull out on time,
and we wouldn't have 'fo' grown kids at home dirtying up dishes
all day for me to wash after working all day,
then I cook dinner and then clean up that mess too.
All he had to do was to pull out on time.
Ha Ha...
But seriously...
Because 'the one I wanted' married someone else.
It happened a long time ago, 13 days out of high school.
June 13th 1969.
A rookie cop needed a bust so I never married Angela.
We went together all during Jr. high and high school.
She is the chick I would have married and had kids with,
but 'a rookie cop needed a bust'.
13 days out of high school...
A 26 year old, cigar smoking cop,
came screeching around the corner,
jumped out and was hassling us.
Angela had a matchbox and I had a joint.
I saw terror in her eyes...
and got out of the cop car and started walking off
to draw him away from her.
I heard Angela say:
"Don't shoot him!"
was jumped from behind and choked unconscious.
Got busted and got probation,
and the cop would go by Angela's house,
order parents out of the room and ask her out.
{She was 17 years old}
Her parents hated me then.
She married some short guy and had a kid,
soon divorced, but I never saw her again.
The cop was kicked off the police department
for choking a minor unconscious after being handcuffed.
And is still selling used cars at some shixxx job
in the run down part of town,
unless he has smoked or drank his self to death.
Now I am 58 years old and
I don't think the world is a fit place to live.
The world is sxxx and there's no fixing it.
I will live alone with my hounds and my saddle mule,
my poultry.
I wouldn't leave my genes here
as I consider the world to not be a fit place to live.
I am still bitter as hell,
41 years later,
but now I don't like kids anyway,
didn't like being a kid and wouldn't wish it on any body.
Sad but true.
Tschüß
J. Winters von Knife
jacksknifeshop.tripod.com/
Hospital stories
Stories I wrote about Baylor Hospital
written in the hospital or from notes after coming home.
I was on my motorcycle and almost home,
the next second I could not see anything,
or hear my motorcycle engine!
It was real quite!
I panicked and blinked my eyes, but I couldn't see!
I grabbed for the handlebars but couldn't feel them,
everything was strange and not where it was supposed to be.
All the signs pointed to the fact that I was falling
and about to hit the ground, motorcycle and all.
I was blind!
Wheres my handlebars!
Then I felt the cotton sheets by my legs!
And realized that I was dreaming!
Just a dream, I thought to myself.
I felt a lot bit better now,
realizing I was dreaming and that
I was not out riding Old Thunder, my 850 triple,
It's alright, I am home in bed!
... but then I thought to myself:
"Why can't I see"?
So I opened my eyes hard,
I was still unable to lift my arms,
I managed to get one eye open,
the right eye.
I tried, when I was waking, to tell myself that
not only was I dreaming about the motorcycle,
but the weird room, the blindness,
it was all a bad dream and all I had to do was wake up
and I would be at home in my own bed.
I have had dreams like this before,
and was proud this time that I was old enough
to recognize this and pull out of it.
I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep again,
then opened my right eye, the only one which would open,
and looked around the strange room.
and after doing this several times,
I realized that it wasn't going to work this time.
Something was definitely wrong.
I moved all my fingers, right hand, left hand.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
Opened my right eye, just a little crack,
and managed to get my hands up,
and pulled the left eye open,
left eye, right eye, yes, I can see.
I moved my neck, it's not broken...
( it was, but i didn't know it yet, it was broken in 4 places}
but no pain, and I was not paralized. )
I put my tongue on my teeth,
top, bottom, good, their still all there.
Right leg, good,
Left leg, check,
I didn't feel any big pieces of meat missing,
no broken bones,
I thought, ten fingers and all my teeth,
all in all pretty rough,
but not bad for a Wensday night!
Old thunder was an 80 model Yamaha 850 triple cylinder
with a kick starter, rebuilt engine, new tires,
one second I was riding along 35 mph,
and the next second i was blind and deaf.
no pain but i was hardly comfortable.
I felt my hair being rubbed very gently
{title ************}
I was awaken by two hands rubbing my hair.
I could feel the fingers moving very sensuously all over my head
moving my hair in every direction.
Combing and rubbing it, this way and that.
I sensed caring and love in those fingers.
Oh it felt so good.
It was all I could think about, those loving fingers,
then they stopped.
I was awake.
I was determined to show that I had felt my hair being rubbed
so sweetly and to show thanks.
I pulled on my eyelids with my facial muscles and tried to see.
Pulled and pulled and finally saw a slit of light through my right eye.
Then moved my fingers on both hands,
formed a victory sigh with the two fingers on my right hand.
Held my right thumb and fingers #3 & 4 down with my left
and felt that the two correct right hand fingers were up
and the others held down with my left hand.
Making sure the correct fingers were extended,
#1 and #2, locking them in place with the left
so as not to be misunderstood.
The rubbing had stopped and I could hear
the person walking away.
This was it!
I turned my head to the right and saw a girl
walking towards the door.
A nurse in white, she was young and pretty too!
And she was a white girl!
I could only hope that she would look back.
This was my chance!
I opened my right eye open as far as I could.
Looked right at her, and slowly moved my hands
which were locked together holding the victory sign,
slowly to the right and then back to the left to get her attention,
and so she would see them.
My mind was racing to be aware
of all the different things going on all at once,
right eye open, victory sign in place,
moving slowly to the left and to the right,
left and right with my hands holding the victory sign,
slowly left and right, left and right.
I was watching her walk away.
“Please turn!
Please turn!”
And as she reached the door she stopped.
I was thinking, “please turn!
Please, turn”,
and she stopped at the door, paused a second,
I opened my right eye as far as I could.
I moved my hands holding the victory sign slowly
to the right and to the left.
And I made the best attempt that I was capable of,
to smile.
I knew it was at best a showing of teeth.
But that was the best I could do.
The victory sign,
I made sure the other fingers were held down
so it would show clearly,
the one eye was open,
and the teeth showing,
I was doing the best that I could.
I was trying hard and all I could do now is hope
she would turn when she reached the door!
Please turn, please!
She did!
She was turning,
I see her eyes,
she is looking at me!
She sees me!
She is coming back towards me!
She is smiling!
She has seen me!
It worked!
I held this position as long as I could,
she is half way to my bed and that’s all I remember.
Later I was told, that as my mom was in the waiting room
a nurse came out of my room all excited and said:
“he’s awake!”
Mom jumped up, but the nurse said "but he’s out again".
“He smiled at me and gave me the peace sign,
but was out again before I could even get to the bed.”
J. Knife
Rubbing my hair #2 written in rehab
I knew I had been asleep and was in bed,
I felt no pain, but why couldn’t I open my eyes!
This time I pulled them open harder, my arms were still at my side, I used my eye muscles only, and pop, the right eye opened just a bit, just a crack, I looked around a strange room I had never seen before, and a strange bed, this was not my bed I thought, then I looked around the room, I never saw anything familiar, it was dark and I strained to look, right, left, back and forth, it did not compute, did I go home with a strange chick!…no I love Marci, there is no one I would want at the boxcar, there is just trailer trash. I wondered where I was, but nothing I saw prompted my memory. What did I do last night, where did I go, …no memory was there, it was a blank. It was a little scary, more than a little! I focused and looked real hard, and thought to myself, this is a hospital room! Where’s my motor! I was alone, in a strange room, a hospital room! My motors gone, I can’t open my eyes, its very quiet, I thought to myself ”I was in a bad motorcycle wreck last night! But it wasn’t last night…it was five weeks ago! Old thunder has been gone over a month…I am asleep again, I don’t know how much time goes by, I feel my hair being rubbed, expertly, and quite sensually, it feels very good, there is love in the touch, someone is rubbing my hair, who, they stop, and I make fists in both hands, pull my eyes hard, I am going to see who! I force two fingers up like a peace sign, I was not thinking peace but victory. It was all I could think of on such short notice. I am alive, I got again the right eye opened, just a crack, I got the left hand around my right fingers to hold them in place, and to turn the right hand back and forth, I heard a swishing sound to the right and looked hard, pulled up my right hand, I saw a girl, short blond hair, and she was standing at the door looking at me! I opened my right eye as much as I could, I lifted my right hand with both arms, victory! I’m alive help! And turned my fingers right and left, so the victory sign could be seen, as a sign, and I opened my eye harder, she sees me! She is walking over to me! She is smiling and boom! I am out again.
written in rehab early after waking up
{end of '2 paragraphs, same subject, but different}
******************
Jack hold up two fingers
I don’t remember much from my coma because,
well, I was in a coma!
But one time I heard a girl’s voice say:
Jack, hold up two fingers,
and I was able to hold up two fingers like she requested.
Then she said one finger, two, three, and so on.
I was not able to open my eyes but I could hear her voice
and move my fingers.
Three fingers, and I would hold up three.
Jack, hold up one finger, and I would hold up one.
This went on for a while I have no idea how long,
but eventually I was getting bored of the finger game
and she said , Jack, hold up three fingers, and I held up three.
Jack, hold up one finger, and I held up one.
I thought to myself this must be a nurse
and she is going overboard with this
as I can obviously do what she requests
but she won’t stop this dxxx finger game.
Jack hold up two fingers, and I held up one!
No I said two fingers, and I held up one!
Every time she said a number of fingers to hold up,
I held up one ,
one, one , one!
And finally she seemed to not be getting it
that I was tired of her dxxx finger game so .
Jack, hold up two fingers,
you were doing well before,
two fingers,
and 'I shot her the finger'
And I heard laughter and I drifted off to sleep again.
J. Winters von Knife
‘Stab my foot again, come on make my day!’
I was in a coma, out!
And I was suddenly aware of a sharp pain
on the bottom of my foot!
I did not move my legs but tightened
my abdominal muscles, and was out again.
Next time I felt the stabbing pain in the bottom of my foot,
I jerked my legs up, fast!
My knees were over my head and held them there.
My eyes never opened, I couldn’t see,
but I could hear voices.
The tone of the speaker was one of
approval!
Then I could hear the voice moving to my right.
Not wanting that pain to come back
and somehow knowing that the voice and the pain
were related, my knees began to move to the left.
As the voice moved to the right,
my knees moved to the left,
I was protecting myself from that pain,
and I was going to kick that guys head off
if he touched me again.
And then I heard the shuffling of feet
and a voice say get back!
He is going to kick you!
And then a laugh!
There was no more pain in my foot and I drifted off again.
It was the doctors examining my reflexes,
stabbing the bottom of my foot with a scalpel!
As I found out later they called my Mother in and told her,
“ Mrs. Hamilton, we have good news.
Jack is not paralyzed.
He is in fact about the most un-paralyzed coma patient
we have ever seen as he almost kicked
one of my Doctor’s head off!”
Recovery from Trauma.
I was murdered!
Poisoned!
I crashed my 850 triple and laid in a ditch all night.
Reported dead,
{"No breath, no pulse, dead"}
by the policeman who was called to the scene the next morning.
I broke three neck vertebra and crushed my right shoulder.
Was in a coma for five weeks and the hospital including rehab for five months.
But I am still here.
I asked the disability judge if that thing was on?
I was pointing to the tape recorder on the table.
That tape recorder, yes?
Could I say something?
Yes, go ahead.
I would like to thank three persons, three entities,
for my life.
First God, {of course}
Then Joe Weider, thanks Joe.
And Victory gym, thanks Jeff..
Formerly Sparks’s gym, thanks Tim.
That's all sir, thank you.
My helmet was split front to back and down to my right ear.
You could put your finger in the split.
I know a dead guy who broke two but I broke three.
I was conscious of loosing balance and the motor not right,
not where it was supposed to be.
From deep down in my mind,
something I had read decades before came to my mind.
It was the middle of the night and I was poisoned
by 2500 mg of sodium benzoate,
a sleeping drug.
Enough to fill my girlfriends prescription for two years.
The motor was going down and I had no idea what to do.
I remembered something I had read, on boxing I think,
but the means of protection of the neck by raising ones shoulders,
And lowering ones neck, chin on the chest.
Tightening the abs and tightening up of the whole body.
It saved my life, this picture did.
The picture was in my mind and as I fell,
I didn’t know which way was up.
I protected my neck with the old fighter stance.
My shoulders and chin-on chest…
protected my neck enough for me to survive.
To survive well enough to write this and admonish you reading these lines,
to work out, weight training saved my life
and it may yours too.
The Sheriff said Jack you volunteered for this!
And I wonder what I volunteered for.
But not this!
I want my health back,
I want my hounds back,
for things to be like they were.
But I know that can never be,
as I am dead.
A book on recovery from physical trauma,
my motorcycle wreck, my brain injury, and coma.
Three of my neck vertebra being broken and my shoulder crushed.
This is interesting for me to write, and it should sell.
That is if I recover.
was in a bad motorcycle wreck April 19th 2001.
I was poisoned by 2500mg of a sleeping pill in my beer
by the same coward’s who killed all my hounds,
they killed them because I loved them so.
I know who did it and the Sheriff’s dept knows who did it
as they warned me, they said that it would happen.
14-15 YEARS AGO!
They knew so much about it in fact
that I am not sure they were not the ones who did it.
After my hounds were all poisoned and shot
on my property by the cowardly halls,
I never hunted again.
I would ride this old triple cylinder Yamaha 850cc
that I had bought six months after loosing my hounds,
late at night up to this beer joint out in the country and drink beer.
I always sat alone and never talked to anyone.
I had no friends as all my friends were dead.
I did not leave my beer unattended or drink anything else.
I don’t know how they did it.
I knew I did not feel right as I was coming home.
I did not feel drunk or stoned,
I couldn’t concentrate!
I usually came home at 80 mph on the long straightaway,
but this night I was going under 35!
That is all that saved me!
They expected me to go 80 on the big straight-a-way,
As I always did.
I knew I did not feel right and if I knew I had taken
a bottle of sleeping pills I would have pulled over
when I couldn’t concentrate and waited till morning
or just walked!
But I had no idea why I wasn’t right.
I had been poisoned by the cowardly Hall bros.
White trash!
Who had killed all my dogs and robbed my house over and over!
Now I have to recover from five weeks in a coma,
five months in a hospital.
And two years of guiardia lambia that I caught in the hospital!
It is a most profoundly debilitating microbe,
and for two years I have not done any work,
even Womans work!
I have not run, lifted weights, done one situp! Or a pushup!
I am, after my record of 131,000 pounds in 1.25 hours,
as profoundly weak as it is possible for a man to be!
Yesterday! August 15, 2003, I managed to get up on ski’s
and ski a bit for the first time in two years and four months.
The purpose of this work is to record my recovery
if I recover, and document it for anyone so they
or their friends may be inspired to do what I have done
and to recover as well as I hope I do!
It has been a year or two since I wrote that.
Now, December 29th 2005, I am still trying to get back in shape.
I have not written much about the subject because I have made so little progress.
Now it is Janurary 11th 2006
I am landscaping the yard, trapping a few coon and cat.
But still weak and unable to work
more than a couple of hours a day.
The Story of the Upside down Name Tag
Or…
Dead head dxxx head
One morning Dad took me to Baylor hospital rehab three months after my wreck. It was summer and the weather was very hot!
I walked in with my sack lunch, my briefcase and my Dxxx Dale world tour ’99 shirt on, the black shirt with the skull and crossed guitars on the front, and ‘I’m a Dxxx head’ over the skull.
A much larger version of the same picture was on the back.
The photo of the skull was 15” tall and the 2” letters saying ‘I’m a Dxxx head” was hard to miss. I walked on in and got on the elevator with one other person. It was a girl who was very pretty
and smart enough to be Doctor Thomas’s daughter. The elevator started up and she said:
‘Good morning uh, your name tag is on upside down’
Meaning the Baylor hospital tag with my name written on it like everybody who was a patient wore in case we got lost or something. I said ‘good morning and thanks, but I know it’.
Pause…
She said ‘what do you mean you know it, aren’t you going to fix it?’
I said no, I always wear it that way.
She was curious as to why, so I told her ‘the story of the upside down name tag’.
Well, I was in rehab one day and the orderlies helped in a guy who obviously had just woken up from a coma. He was really out of it and was nodding in his wrinkled hospital gown with his name tag on upside down, and even worse it was not even upside down straight, it was crooked too. I think it was old Marty the dart cop
who was also in a motorcycle wreck, but I had not met him yet.
Anyway his tag was upside down and crooked, it looked really bad but no one cared, least of all him It was not his fault as he had not dressed himself but was dressed by nurses. So the fact that his tag was crooked was not funny but… it gave me an idea.
I turned my name tag upside down and with my Hawaiian shirt on,
the real gaudy one with colorful flowers all over it. The blue ocean and all the palm trees, the blue sky with the beautiful white clouds,
the flowers around the neck and the ancient Hawaiians in their canoes out on the water, and with tall mountains in the background. And my name tag pinned on my belly and it upside down.
Now that was funny!
I wore it that way the entire time I was in rehab.
And after a week or so,
I noticed others wearing theirs upside down too.
It was catching on!
I liked to imagine that eventually with everybody wearing theirs that way
it would be a movement and I had started it!
But after a few weeks the others started wearing theirs
right side up again.
I really never knew if they had lost interest
in the new ‘movement’, or had just forgot.
We dead heads are forgetful you know.
The girl asked me where I was going
and I said ‘second floor, {coma ward.}
You know the dead head* ward.
The girl said ‘do you consider all the people
in the coma ward to be dead heads*
… except you?’
‘No!
I looked at her and said’
I would feel left out,
it would really hurt my feelings
were I to be excluded from being thought of
as one of the dead heads, the dead head group!
They are all really nice people!
I like to think of myself as a dead head* too!
’ But why the upside down name tag?
I told her about Marty and said:
‘It’s a humor thing.’
Then I said with my best Scottish accent:
‘It’s a grunge thing.’
She said ‘like Shawn Connery said in the movie 'The Rock’
and laughed again.
Why yes, of course.
I got off the elevator as the door opened
and walked on down the hall to my class,
and half way down the hall I stopped and looked back,
and she was standing outside of the elevators in the hall
looking at me and laughing out loud.
I went in my private office across the hall from the class.
The others took from 8am till 10am to all get there,
to all show up at the same place at the same time,
and as it was noisy across the hall
I liked to stay in the abandoned office I had taken over.
I had my own personal phone to call sweet Marci my girl friend,
and my big table to spread out books and tape recorder.
I had learned to eat my lunch during first and second classes
so during lunch I could go find an empty room and take a nap.
I had rehab down!
I was talking on the phone to Marci
when a lady looked in the room from around the corner.
I told Marci to hold on and said:
‘Have a seat and make yourself comfortable,
I’ll be right with you in half a minute’ telling Marci that:
‘oh, someone just came in.’
The lady stared and I was wrapping up my morning
{Marci call}, when the lady disappeared
and came back looking around the corner
with two or three other ladies,
nurses.
After a whispered
‘No, he’s a patient’
They all burst into laughter.
It was but a short while later that my therapist
{from Spain,} Louis,
came looking around the corner with Marty the motorcycle cop
{he was doing much better now}
and one or two other guys,
they were all grinning,
and Louis said Jack’ can you turn that shirt inside out?
I had no idea why he wanted my shirt inside out.
But I said:
“No, there are seams on the inside and it would look tacky.
” Jack, Louis repeated,
please just turn your shirt inside out.
I had forgotten about the ‘I’m a thingy head
in 2” tall letters on my shirt.
I just stared at Louis with a blank look,
having no idea what he meant.
‘O.K. I’ll turn my shirt inside out and you turn your pants inside out
and we will wear them that way for the rest of the day that way.
And then we will really get people to talking,
and maybe we can get a new fashion thing going.
Oh! You mean this!
‘ And I remembered the big picture of the skull
and the crossed guitars.
‘What’s the matter with it?
Louis said ‘this is a Baptist hospital
and your shirt may offend people.
’ Louis’, I said, there is nothing wrong with my shirt.’
But ‘thingy head is …
‘Louis, listen’ and I tried to explain.
There was a band from northern California
back in the early 60’s
called the Greatful Dead.
‘Yes, I have heard of it, ‘you have…
good!’
Then people who are enthusiasts for music
of the Greatful Dead, refer to themselves as Dead Heads.
And people who are enthusiasts for the music of thingy Dale
the KING! OF THE SURF GUITAR!
Refer to them selves as thingy Heads!
‘ Dead heads- thingy Heads!
It does not refer to a thingy.
He went all the way through elementary school named thingy,
“Hey thingy! Lets go swimming.”
All the way through high school named thingy
”Hey thingy! Come on lets go get drunk.”
That is simply his name!
When he was born his mother named him thingy,
it’s on his birth certificate!
We have had presidents named thingy!
It doesn’t have anything to do with a thingy.
It’s a clean phrase Louis,
its O.K.
But Jack, please do me a favor and change shirts.’
‘Louis, now I know you are from Spain and things are different there.
But I also know that you are a really smart guy!
With a masters degree at least!
However
{Marty and the other guys were looking over Luis’s shoulder
and their smiles were getting bigger,}
I also know that you are not Baptist but Catholic.
Jack how, do you know that!
Because you are Spanish and 100% of all Spanish people
I have ever known are Catholic.
And hey! I know how these Baptists are,
every thing offends them,
they will work on your mind and get to you after a while.
So don’t you think it is reasonable to suppose
that the possibility does exist
that it is just you.
That it is your own mind,
your own consciousness that has
…GOT DIRTY?
Everyone laughed out loud including Luis,
he laughed like I had never heard him laugh
the whole three months I was in rehab,
laughed all the way down the hall.
And when he came back he threw an old shirt at me
and said:
"Put this over your shirt for the rest of the day",
smiling, and they all walked off.
The next day I was on the elevator and doctor Thomas himself was behind me,
and said quietly and under his breath,
and real fast like he wanted to say it but didn’t really want me to hear or understand him,
{dead head…dxxx head}
I waited a moment turned and said:
Did you say something Doc?
And he said:
looking straight ahead,
‘no.’
" Would you like to kill the man who killed all your dogs"
... This is what Alexa the therapist,
Baylor Hospital, severe traumatic, brain injury rehab ward,
asked me.
" Naw" I replied.
We were in a private office and I knew Alexa had been put up to some big inquiry.
She asked again, being in this place for three months,
"did something" to people,
to me too!
The main thing was it was so boring
and the same names and introductions went on
that after a while,
I began to develop a constantly improving
and evolving skit, adjustable, for whatever.
... A regular vaudeville routine!
I thought to myself:
"The 'introduction skit' is a good one".
"Naw"!
"Alexa rates the 'crazy guy' skit".
I didn't feel good anyway,
I had been in a bad motorcycle wreck,
a coma for 5 weeks, the hospital for five months.
Now this!
Rehab is not fun, it is better than dead,
or in the hospital, where the food {is horrible).
Alexa and Luis did not have many big laughs
caring for the 'dead heads' as I took to referring to us as.
One day as I was stepping on an elevator,
a lovely young girl stepped on.
said:....
"Good morning! your name tag is upside down"
Whereupon, I said good morning,
But I know it, thanks"
... Hey, the girl said.
If you know your name tag is upside down,
why don't you turn it right side up!
... I was sleepy,
it's been 5 months since my wreck,
and i still don't feel that friendly!
Alright, the tag...
"I had a motorcycle wreck and was in a comma for 5 weeks".
Now I'm here, it is just boring, o.k.!
I saw one guy, who just woke up from a comma.
He looked like sxxx,
like a person who is waking up from the worst hangover conceivable,
bad enough in fact to have almost killed him.
His tag was crooked, almost upside down.
hmmm. The guy was just dressed by some nurse.
He didn't know about the tag.
That is not was funny to me,
that is however what gave me the idea.
I took to wearing my name tag with Baylor Hospital
printed in blue ink...
a patient would slip this card in a plastic card holder
with a safety pin on the back.
hmmm. They would write their name with a 'black marker'
at the bottom. I turned mine upside down and felt better fast!
Every day I would come to rehab with my upside down name tag,
and it made me feel better,
it caught on and everyone started wearing there's
upside down too!
2-3-4 weeks and it tapered off like any fad.
Now this is an example of the hospital humor
I am trying to improve.
Alexa! remember her,
she asked me if i would like to kill the man who killed all my dogs.
Naw, I said, they'd not get off that easy!
what would you do!
what would you do!
Hmmm
Anyway for fun and to amuse myself, hell it was true!
anyway, well, if you insist,
I would choke him down like you would to a bad mule!
down and out. Tie his hands back, and go up to the house and get my mule, Red.
Drag him ( I'll be dammed if i do it) way back in the woods,
where no one will hear him a squalling.
Stuff some grass in his mouth, and hoist him up by one leg,
not high, .. head 3 feet off the ground.
build a fire and have a good stack of wood,
and a washtub of home brew as we are going to be there all night.
The hospital, I want every detail written down.
The making sure of, that it's 'thumbs up'
and not some other fingers.
Write them fast before I forget them.
The names the people, that would make the task much easier,
The lady that stuck her head in the door,
& I said hold on, to Marci,
I'm sorry I have like half a second...
have a seat...I'll be with you in a second.
Rehab dreams
1. stab my foot
2. rub my hair
3. God and Marci was there
4. Jack, what did you have for breakfast? 5 rattle snakes
5. Your brother has a good heart
6. Jack hold up two fingers
7. God as Joe dog telling me not to grieve for them anymore
as they are all alright now, I am the only one suffering
8. My early fourth grade vision of the houses all in a row
and all made out of ticky tacky
" Would you like to kill the man who killed all your dogs"
This is what Alexa the therapist at Baylor Hospital,
severe, traumatic, brain injury ward, asked me.
" Naw" I replied.
We were in a private office and I knew Alexa was up to some big inquiry.
She asked again,
being in this place for three months,"did something" to me too!
The main thing was it was so boring,
and the same names and introductions went on,
that after a while I began to develop a constantly improving
and evolving skit, adjustable, for whatever.
... A regular vaudeville routine!
The' introduction skit' was a good one.
Naw! for Alexa , she rates the 'crazy guy skit'.
I didn't feel good anyway,
I had been in a bad motorcycle wreck,
a coma for 5 weeks, the hospital for five months.
Now this!
Rehab is not fun, but it is better than dead
or in the hospital, {where the food is horrible).
Alexa and Luis did not have many big laughs
caring for the dead heads as I took to referring to us as.
One day as I was stepping on an elevator,
a lovely young girl stepped on.
She said.... 'good morning!
your name tag is upside down... to me,
whereupon I said good morning,
oh i know it, but thanks"
... Hey, the girl said.
If you know your name tag is upside down,
why don't you turn it right side up!
... I was sleepy,
it had been five months since my wreck
and I still did't feel that friendly!
ok! the tag...
"I had a motorcycle wreck and was in a coma for five weeks.
o.k. now I'm here,
it is boring, o.k.!
I saw one guy, who just woke up from a coma.
He looked like sxxx,
like a person who is waking up from the worst hangover conceivable!
Enough to almost enough to have killed him.
His tag was crooked, almost upside down.
The guy was just dressed by some nurse.
He didn't know about the tag.
That is not was funny to me,
that is however what gave me the idea.
I took to wearing my name tag with Baylor Hospital
printed in blue ink...
a patient would slip this card in a plastic card holder
with a safety pin on the back.
They would write their name with a 'black marker' at the bottom.
I turned mine upside down and felt better fast!
Every day I would come to rehab with my upside down name tag,
and it made me feel better,
it caught on and everyone started wearing there's
upside down too!
2-3-4 weeks and it tapered off like any fad.
Now this is an example of the hospital humor
I am trying to improve.
Alexa, remember her,
she asked me if I would like to kill the man who killed all my dogs.
Naw, I said:
they'd not get off that easy!
what would you do!
what would you do!
Anyway for fun and to amuse myself, {hell it was true}
anyway, well, if you insist,
I would choke him down like you would to a bad mule.
Down and out.
Tie his hands back, and go up to the house and get my mule,
Red.
Drag him ( I'll be dammed if I do it)
way back in the woods where no one will hear him a squall.
Stuff some grass in his mouth,
and hoist him up by one leg, not high,
... head 3 feet off the ground.
Build a fire and have a good stack of wood,
and a washtub of home brew as
we are going to be there all night. **************
The hospital, I want every detail written down,
making sure that it's thumbs up and not some other fingers.
Write them fast before I forget them.
Name the people, that would make the task much easier,
Marty the dart cop,
The lady that stuck her head in and I said to Marci
who was on the phone:
Hold on,
And to the lady who just came in:
I'm sorry, give me like half a minute.
have a seat please,
I'll be right with you.
Rehab dreams
1. stab my foot
2. rub my hair
3. God and Marci was there
4. Jack, what did you have for breakfast? 5 rattle snakes
5. Your brother has a good heart
6. Jack hold up two fingers
7. God as Joe dog telling me not to grieve for them anymore
as they are alright now, I am the only one suffering
8. My early fourth grade vision of the houses
all in a row and all made out of ticky tacky
Rehab stories
1. drinking snake
2. devil coon
3. torture story
4. good bye old thunder
5. reflection on 3 day weekend
6. Jack what’s your schedule?
7. Dead head
I wrote a profoundly long e-mail last night but the electricity
went off right in the middle of it, and it was lost
so I went to bed.
I was writing a story about my coma
and how when up in heaven I had heard God say:
Jack, you are pretty bad,
yes, you are in pretty bad shape but you are not quite dead.
So you are going back to the world,
but first there is someone who you might want to see,
they want to see you real bad and they are waiting right here.
Somehow I knew to look to the right and there was
Cottonjoe, my long dead Walker hound.
Joe was beautiful!
More muscled up and his coat was shinier than I remembered.
But his eyes were full of tears.
And he did not move his mouth but spoke to me telepathically,
God fixed it up somehow.
"I can't believe you are grieving over us after all these years.
You never got another hound, you never set another trap,
you never hunted at all,
you drink beer and ride that motorcycle
up to that beer joint, way out in the country.
You sit on the back porch alone,
you don't talk to anyone and you don't have any friends.
And you are looking old!
You look a lot older than you did
when I was on the earth with you.
And you are missing your life!
When we all died we really suffered a lot,
Suemay, Katymay, Sport, Scout, Hawk and Zeke,
Pretty polly,and Bonnie belle,
me most of all!
But our suffering is over!
You are the only one still suffering, and it hurts me!
We would be there with you if we could, but we can't!
Get you some hounds and go hunting!
And I woke up!
I had been a coma for 5 weeks,
later the hospital for 5 months!
They all had been poisoned,
and shot in their pens on my 25 acres.
By two cowards named Hall,
who are all dead now, after being in prison a while.
The third brother who killed me,
12 years later, is dead too.
The dogs were all killed 15 years ago
and I was killed three years ago,
I was just too tough.
I am writing a book about the strange, exciting,
and glorious, as well as beautiful,
and heartbreaking story of our life
and our death together.
Visions and miracles...
Showdown at dogland... or
Never volunteer
And when I was in rehab, Luis, {from Spain}
Mt therapist, told us to write a paper on:
'What I did in rehab yesterday"
I said Luis! we never do anything in rehab.
We sit on our ass all day,
We pick our noses, scratch, stare at the wall, drool, and fart,
... what is there to write about!
Whereupon, Luis, said,
Jack lots of the people in here are Spanish
and don't speak English that well,
and some are not as educated as you,
so just do what you are told.
I will be right back and left the room.
I thought to myself, 'well hell with that'!
I will write about what I want to!
And started in on the Story of old Sport
or, 'the Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole'.
First time I had ever written about the dogs or anything!
Luis came back in the room and stated people
reading their stories, pretty dull.
{what I did in rehab yesterday.}
After about 15 versions of that!
Luis, said "I have to go again, so keep reading,
Jack, if you are finished, you can start us off.
{ perfect timing}
I smiled as Luis left the room, and said:
Ya'll, this is a story about an old dog I used to have,
and like the Bullwinkle cartoons where they would have
two titles for a story,
the title of this story is:
{And I got my craziest look in my eyes}
and as I trembled all over saying:
The story of old Sport or
The Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole!
Everybody burst out laughing!
{ It beat the hell out of "What I did in rehab yesterday"!
And it was the contrast of subjects which got them!
So I started into the Story.
When Luis came back in the room I was almost finished,
after I did finish Luis came over not comprehending
why I disobeyed his orders.
And said:
But Jack that is not what I told you to write about!
Whatcha ya gona do about it?
Flunk me?
I said? {Laughter}
Hey Luis my friend?
Whatcha gona do?
{and turned around to my friend Marty the dart cop,
who was in a worse motorcycle wreck,
hit from behind by some drunk niger
as he was turning a corner. Flashing lights,
cop letters all over the cop motorcycle,
and the niger going between 65 and 70 mph!}
"Make! me! do! next! summer! over!"
?This really was funny to the class,
and I decided to write all the stories I could remember,
and I am doing pretty good!
40,000 words last summer!
I will send the story of old Barrydog,
I think he died from pnumonia, but he was a real dog!
And when I was in rehab, Luis, {from Spain}
Mt therapist, told us to write a paper on:
'What I did in rehab yesterday"
I said Luis!
We never do anything in rehab".
"We sit on our ass all day, we pick our noses,
scratch, stare at the wall, drool, and fart...
what is there to write about"!
Whereupon, Luis, said,:
"Jack lots of the people in here are Spanish
and don't speak English that well,
and some are not as educated as you,
so just do what you are told".
I will be right back, and left the room.
I thought to myself, well hell with that!
I will write about what I want to!
And started in on the 'Story of old Sport'
or, 'the Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole'.
First time I had ever written about the dogs or anything!
Luis came back in the room and stated people in,
to reading their stories, pretty dull.
{'What I did in rehab yesterday'.}
After about 15 versions of that!
Luis, said "I have to go again so keep reading,
" Jack, if you are finished, you can start us off".
{ perfect timing} I smiled as Luis left the room,
and said:
Ya'll, this is about an old dog I used to have,
and like the Bullwinkle cartoons
where they would have two! titles for a story,
the title of this story is:
{And I got my craziest look in my eyes saying}:
'The story of old Sport' or
'The Devil Coon of frozen muddy hole'!
Everybody burst out laughing!
{ Beats the hell out of:
"What I did in rehab yesterday"!
And it was the contrast of subjects which got them!
So I started into the story,
when Luis came back in the room,
I was almost finished and after I did Luis came over to me
not comprehending why I disobeyed his orders.
And said:
"but Jack that is not what I told you to write about"!
"Whatcha ya gone do about it"?
" Flunk me"? I said? {Laughter}
"Hey Luis my friend"?
" Whatcha gona do"?
{and turned around to my friend Marty the dart cop,
who was in a worse motorcycle wreck than I."
"Make! me! do! next! summer! over!"
?This really was funny to the class,
and I decided to write all the stories I could remember,
and I am doing pretty good!
40,000 words last summer!
{ One of my best routines}
Hi, I am Jack Hamilton,
And I had a motorcycle wreck.
I survived but my motor didn't".
{ pause and a long glance at my palms
and a shake of the head}
"Old thunder is gone".
{long pause},
And as my eyes looked upwards with a straight face,
I said: " good bye, Old Thunder,"
I sighed and looked downwards,
a sad look in my eye,
and another deep sigh.
I was overacting in the extreme,
really hamming it up!
I had done this dozens of times by now,
differently each time,
different way every day.
{.... this was a good one i thought to myself}
{..... we were all so bored
that this was basically all we had to do all day}
I forget what i said next,
but ended up with my thumbs up,
and a big smile, I hesitated a few seconds,
and looked down at my thumbs and back up.
" sorry, I said, I was checking to see
if both of my thumbs were pointing up
and not some other fingers.
You would not believe what happened the other day."
I said: looking aside,
and back again with a straight face,
then I saw 'Marty the cop'
{who had a motorcycle wreck too}
on my left , trying to interrupt me,
I yelled at him " I told you i was sorry "!
Hey! I told you yesterday that I apologize!"
I raised my voice " I told you once,
I'm not going to tell you again..".
As everyone in the rooms laughter peaked,
" hey!... its not, funny!"
Marty was laughing harder than anyone else,
even the kids mother was smiling her ass off.
I tried to act seriously,
pushing Marty away and looking at the Mom
with a straight face,"our therapist Luis said:
...that we should always monitor our behavior.
" the mother came every day for a long time,
I wonder why...
‘Bust out’
‘Or, escape from Baylor Hospital’
1. waking up.
2. ”Jack, you can’t go walking down Gaston street in that robe!
3. list related stories here,
this will be part of the visions and misacles book.
I wake up and go down the hall to the elevator.
As the door is closing a niger gets on.
4. Jack where are you going?
5. you a doctor?
6. Yes Jack I am a doctor, and you can’t see my I. D.
7. That’s what I would have said if I were you.
I guess you are a doctor.
8. You hospital guards do this kinda stuff very often?
9. “Every day… Every day…
10. Then I was in a bed in a room and a guy
was shooting some liquid into a tube,
my arm or something.
I said “whats that?
“you’ll love this it will knock you out.”
What time is it
4:00 am
so you are a Doctor?
Yes Jack I am a Doctor
and I’m not going to show you my I.D.
I said you ought to fire the guy on the left,
and promote the guy on the right and give him a raise.
He is smart enough to be a Lawyer, or an author,
at least a Doctor.
Jack, don’t you think being a Doctor is as good as
being a Lawyer or an Author?
I said well, a Lawyer, or an Author,
doesn’t have sxxx all over him.
No offence.
Guy #2 said with a big smile,
See what I mean?
And the Doctor smiled for the first time.
I told the guy #1 thanks and he said no problem.
Then before I passed out, I said:
“you hospital guards have to do this kinda stuff often?
And he said “every day!”
The Sidney Potiea quote.
I’ll get fired!!! If you go out that door!!!
Get the fxxx away from me!
I ain’t gona tell you again!!!
{I look him up and down a couple of times,
shaking my head}
I ain’t gona be nice next time,
pointing to my left, now get!
“A lawyer, or an author, doesn’t have sxxx all over him.”
{I washed it three times, does it still show? }
Looks like sxxx boss.
Oh, no offence,
no offence.
So you’re a doctor huh?
Yes Jack, I’m a doctor,
and I’m not going to show you my I.D.
Hmm that’s what I would say if I were you,
I guess you are a doctor.
My Schedule
Louis my therapist, with Alexia beside him was asking me
“Jack, what is your schedule?”
I replied that I did not have a schedule.
And he repeated the question,
“Jack everyone has a schedule,
what’s your schedule?”
Louis, no, I am self employed
and just don’t have a schedule.
Louis kept insisting that I had one
and that he wanted to know what it was.
I kept denying it, till I said:
“Louis, my schedule is actually the antithesis of a schedule,
it is in fact a non- schedule.”
I keep myself ready at all times,
twenty four hours a day,
to sleep, make love, run a marathon,
fight, kill, write a story, cook a gourmet meal,
or play my accordion,
because I never know when I will need my strength
or energy, mental or physical.
Not me!
No schedule!
No way!
Alexia was smiling at this verbal duel.
Jack, I have to put something down here,
it asks for your schedule,
what do I say?
I took a deep breath and looked down
and thought a few seconds,
then looked up and with the most serious of expressions,
and looking and pointing at his dxxx book, told Louis:
”I eat when I’m hungry",
"I sleep when I’m sleepy",
"and I drink when I’m dry".
Louis laughed,
and sang out loud in the tune of the song…
“Davy! Crockett!”
I looked down, paused and said
“that isn’t in the Davy Crockett song.”
Louis just laughed more and shook his head
and started writing.
“I eat when I’m…
Alphonso and I …
Showdown at Baylor
Walking down the hall in Baylor Hospital,
Severe Traumatic Brain Injury Rehab Ward,
I was coming from I do not know where,
and going to, are you kidding.
When my new therapist Alphonso and another boy
were coming down the hall towards me!
One was on the right of the hall and one was on the left!
Each had a club!
And each was looking right at me!
They had malevelant smiles and were getting closer
and closer!
I stopped!
And i said
“I didn’t do it!
I didn’t do it!
I wasn’t even there!
I swear!
And as Alphonso walked right up to me and patted his hand with his club!
I started shaking all over.
I was shaking and looking down!
Alphonso said, “you weren’t even where?
And I said I don't know!!!!
I sorry!
I sorry!
And for the clincher,
“I be good boss! “
And Alphonso couldn’t hold his laughter back any longer.
“Like in roots!” Laughed and laughed.
Then he looked at me and made a threatening motion with his club!
And I bent over and went back into the former shaking routine.
Shake, Shake.
my motorcycle and my coma:
thirty five years I have rode motors.
I love them, I love the being out of doors. the seasons,
the wind in my face, the chrome, the black paint,
the speed, the danger...
For the last few years I have had a strange feeling
every time I prepare to ride.
Yes I loved my motor,
but i knew that as I admired the power and beauty,
the new strange feeling that I felt was a premonition
of my own death. I knew that the odds were
that the more miles, the more nights I was out
riding, my chances would run out.
Just the odds alone would prevail.
Thirty five years and no wrecks!
I was a good rider!
Fourty nine years old, I did not speed, drink,
or do stupid things or dangerous things,
nearly as much as I used to.
I'm fourty nine, and I will ride old thunder till I am old.
If I was going to have a wreck it would have happened
when I was younger.
I drank all I could, I raced my friend Steve at 100 mph,
which is fast for a twenty two year old motor.
Old Thunder was truly old now.
I was getting on up there in age myself.
When it happened I was running thirty five mph,
I was not drunk, no other traffic,
conditions were good weather wise,
I knew the road, I was just going home.
other people I met in rehab who had experienced a coma,
said that they could not remember what happened
before the blow to the head either.
I will never know what happened to cause the wreck.
One second I was riding along,
the moon was almost full,
the clouds were different colors, different textures,
overlapping in interesting patterns.
Dr. Thomas walks up and says:
“Jack, Gotta have money to run a bank doncha”
I turn and look at him with a puzzled expresion,
scratch my chin, shake my head, and say:
Well, "I recon”.
The Doctor laughs and says:
“You don’t remember where that came from do you?”
I just start even more with a look of puzzlement.
Money?…
Banks?…
The Doctor laughs and walks away.
Why don't I have any kids
Gentlemen,
I was asked the same question in rehab.
{Not drug rehab, I was in a bad wreck}
{Baylor Hospital severe, traumatic,
brain injury, rehab ward}
"Jack, why don't you have any children"?
I answered, after thinking about it for a few seconds,
"because I always pull out on time."
{The room full of people all burst out laughing}
Hey! those are all clean words!
I thought about that for a long time before I said anything!
I was real careful about...
that...
too...
That really brought down the house.
One black school teacher said:
"All Leroy had to do was to pull out on time,
and we wouldn't have 'fo' grown kids at home dirtying up dishes
all day for me to wash after working all day,
then I cook dinner and then clean up that mess too.
All he had to do was to pull out on time.
Ha Ha...
But seriously...
Because 'the one I wanted' married someone else.
It happened a long time ago, 13 days out of high school.
June 13th 1969.
A rookie cop needed a bust so I never married Angela.
We went together all during Jr. high and high school.
She is the chick I would have married and had kids with,
but 'a rookie cop needed a bust'.
13 days out of high school...
A 26 year old, cigar smoking cop,
came screeching around the corner,
jumped out and was hassling us.
Angela had a matchbox and I had a joint.
I saw terror in her eyes...
and got out of the cop car and started walking off
to draw him away from her.
I heard Angela say:
"Don't shoot him!"
was jumped from behind and choked unconscious.
Got busted and got probation,
and the cop would go by Angela's house,
order parents out of the room and ask her out.
{She was 17 years old}
Her parents hated me then.
She married some short guy and had a kid,
soon divorced, but I never saw her again.
The cop was kicked off the police department
for choking a minor unconscious after being handcuffed.
And is still selling used cars at some shixxx job
in the run down part of town,
unless he has smoked or drank his self to death.
Now I am 58 years old and
I don't think the world is a fit place to live.
The world is sxxx and there's no fixing it.
I will live alone with my hounds and my saddle mule,
my poultry.
I wouldn't leave my genes here
as I consider the world to not be a fit place to live.
I am still bitter as hell,
41 years later,
but now I don't like kids anyway,
didn't like being a kid and wouldn't wish it on any body.
Sad but true.
Tschüß
J. Winters von Knife
jacksknifeshop.tripod.com/